How To Deal With A Friend Who’s Backbiting You


Have you ever overheard your close friend backbiting about you to somebody else? It’s so heartbreaking, isn’t it? Realising that someone who means a lot to you doesn’t share the same feeling and the fact that you accidently ‘heard’ them backbite on you and they haven’t even confessed. Enough of trying to be the good friend; it’s time to stand up for who you are and prove them wrong. But don’t just go out and rant at them in front of all your other friends, as that may make them believe all the lies that they have heard about you from your so-called ‘close friend’. Here’s what you must do instead:

When you overhear your friend gossiping about you, don't lose heart

When you overhear your friend gossiping about you, don’t lose heart

For starters, you need to be strong. If you overhear your close pal bitch about you to your enemies, don’t be devastated. It’s not your loss but theirs, because they stand a chance to lose out on a wonderful soul like you. So the first thing that you need to do is remain calm and be strong. Do not let this affect you and never overreact. Wait for a day to see if your friend realises their ‘slip’ and comes to confess and apologize. Depending on their stance you can take the next careful step.

Also read: 3 ways to sort out issues with your best friend

If your friend does approach you with a confession and an apology, be extremely careful. Don’t play the blame game and scream at their faces saying “But how could you…!” Instead, deal with the situation with maturity. If your friend’s apology seems genuine and they say they wouldn’t repeat it, be ready to give them a benefit of doubt. It’s important to let them know that you were hurt with what they did. And that the trust you had on them needs to be re-built with time and effort.

Talk to your friend privately, not in front of others

Talk to your friend privately, not in front of others

But in case they do not confess to you, it’s time to confront them. Make sure you bring up the topic with a cool and calm attitude. Take them aside or meet at a place where it’s only the two of you. Keep everyone else out of this. Also if you really want to sort things out, don’t take up an accusing stance. Use sentences like, “I may not have heard this right, but did I hear you say this about me…?” or “Did I hear you or someone say this about me?” Don’t take anybody else’s names. Try to understand what they had meant before starting the blame game.

Don't accuse your friend on their face. Instead, confront them with a cool composure

Don’t accuse your friend on their face. Instead, confront them with a cool composure

Also read: Friend or a bully?

Remember, it requires guts to accept faults so be cool even though you’re angry. If you pounce on them, they may take up a defensive stance and not accept their slip up. So do confront them and ask them what made them say or do something that hurt you but don’t end up hurting their feelings in the bargain. If they seem sorry and promise not to repeat it, then forgive them. It makes you the “good guy”. However, if they don’t seem repentant and are unapologetic about their doing then they’re probably jealous of you. But that also means that they think of you as better than them and they wish for others to know they are as good as you are. So take it in your stride and part ways with them if they are being so snobbish. But do it with grace. Tell them they did a terrible thing that hurt you but you won’t go around telling people about that. And just remain acquaintances with them henceforth. Probably just the regular “Hi”.

Also read: Are Best Friends Really Forever?

Finally, I do realise that such things are easier said than done. And that forgiving enemies is easier than forgiving a friend who backstabbed you.

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