Finishing the dishes, making the kids fall asleep, pour jasmine and honey moisturiser over your body and make yourself delicious, and you’re sure the neckline of your new negligee will get him in the mood. But you see your husband is speeding through the standard grind of the missionary position, before you can put the sex goddess act together. Thereafter you are trying to remember that when was the last time you both were wrapped in a down-and-dirty 69, or nibbled each other to orgasmic oblivion. Even if this sounds familiar, do not feel deserted. According to a report published in The New York Times, ‘…in long-term relationships, women are more likely than men to lose interest in their sex life, and to lose it sooner. Because women’s idea of passionate sex depends far more centrally on novelty than men’s.’
It is unfair to sweep generalisations, so we questioned women how they were coping with monotony. “I am not bothered about wild sexual positions, but I can’t bear it when he refuses to so much as kiss my lips outside the bedroom and then lunges on me when I hit the bed,” says Mridula Bedi. To keep herself in good shape and well-groomed, the 37-year-old art director works hard. With making such efforts and not being appreciated for it, she resents her husband too. “I love cuddles and kisses, not just as foreplay, but even when an orgasm is not the end objective,” says Mridula. “I know if he is demonstrative outside the bedroom, I will feel sexually charged when he touches me in bed.”
Gati Kumar, a 38 year-old banker, shares the similar exasperation. Gati’s husband always waits for their son to sleep and that is when he can ‘attack’ her – this amuses her. “For him, sex is a chore to be done on weekends in a limited time window. Earlier, we used to experiment with positions. He no longer brings me flowers or whistles the way he used to when I drape a sari.” We asked her if she has revealed about her needs with her partner, to which she answers: “What’s the point? He retreats into his shell.”
Mumbai-based sexologist Dr Uttam Dave feels the reason for most sexual hurdles is lack of communication. “Even if they have been married for a decade, a man and woman may not know each other’s fantasies or erogenous zones. More than being guilty about morals, you need to honestly ask yourself if you have given up too soon.” You have no right to complain If you haven’t tried hard enough to keep the zeal and enthu alive between you two. By just posing frustrated will help neither you nor your relationship.