Your husband may have won your heart while dating you, but did you notice any difference in his priorities after marriage?
It is understandable that the reason for his very existence is his mother and that she plays a significant role in his life. But some families continue the bond with their sons even after his marriage. If your mother-in-law is interfering too much in your decisions as a couple, then it is understandable that you want to tear out your hair. It is natural to feel twitchy if he gives more weightage to his mother’s opinions than yours. And no, you are not a bad wife or a daughter-in-law if you feel “jealous”; there is no reason for you to feel guilty as well.
No matter what, the relationship that men share with their mother is one that is undying. It is not wrong for him to love his mother dearly, but, it is good to frequently consider your existence too.
For all those women who are finding taking a stand or voicing out opinions difficult, here’s the way. This article is not only for married women but also for young women who are dating mamma’s boys.
Time for some bonding
The best way to sort out the differences is to take some time to bond with your mother-in-law, as resentment may reduce if you both grow closer. Go for a movie or do shopping together; find out a common interest to make it easier. Indulge her in random conversations and crack jokes once in a while. Don’t be egoistic and wait for her to approach you with little chit-chats. As long as you have things in common, don’t worry about the differences between the two of you. As for women who are dating, if you are ready to take the next step, you can bond with your partner’s mother before marriage itself.
Don’t nag him
To approach your partner directly and demand his attention is the worst idea. By doing so, you are increasing the chances of him running back to his mother. In order to run some errands for his mother, your boyfriend may even delay in meeting you; but this gives you no reason to yell at him. When you demand attention there are chances that you will look desperate, and in these situations your man will prefer his mother’s company. Do you want that?
Patience is your mantra
To accept the change from being just a woman to being a married woman might take some time. You may be new to the cooking styles at your in-laws’ house; and sometimes, your husband can get too mean by comparing your cooking expertise with his mother’s. But, this is when patience comes handy. Be patient about the situation. When your husband’s comparisons have crossed the lines, tell him patiently that his mother acquired perfection only through years of cooking experience and that you too will be a master chef in the years to come. Whatever is the situation, being calm and patient is the mantra.
Dealing with differences
Sometimes, mothers-in-law tend to be nosy to enter your bedroom and implement changes. For example, when you are decorating the house for your husband’s surprise birthday bash, your mom-in-law may disapprove the idea by assumingly calling it ‘messy’. Also, while dating, your partner’s mother may suggest you to buy his birthday gift according to her choice. But, this does not give you the chance of complaining about how your partner’s mother ‘ruined’ your plans. Instead of getting sympathy you will end up being disappointed by your partner. Try to deal with the difference of opinions by yourself. You can agree to your mother-in-law in her presence and make the necessary changes after she leaves. Also, if your budget permits, get your partner the gift that his mother suggested and buy an additional gift of your choice. In this way, your partner will be double delighted to get two gifts as well as to know that you are bonding with his mother.
Talk to your partner
When several attempts to remain patient have gone down the drain, you can approach your partner to talk about your feelings regarding his priorities. It is very important for you to remain diplomatic on this topic, lest he is not supportive of you. Explain to him that spending time with his mother is fine; but, you have left behind your family to be with him, and that the amount of attention he gives to his family makes you feel left out at times. Tell him to allow his mother to take back seat while you tend to your partner’s requirements. In this way, you are acknowledging his mother’s love for him as well as initiating situations for your hubby to be all yours.