When we think about romantic relationships, they usually end with a ‘happily ever after’. But that’s not the case in real life all the time. In real life, your Prince Charming doesn’t necessarily save you from a wicked witch and your lady love isn’t exactly a Princess. But still, you either stay happily with your other half, or you break up and part ways (whether mutually or with one party being heartbroken) or you could break up…and then make up…and then break up again…and you get the picture, right? This pattern of breaking up and making up repeatedly is called ‘relationship cycling’ or on-again off-again relationship. While it is quite common in today’s day and age, it is not healthy. If you realize you are in such a relationship, fret not. Here are some great tips for couples in on-again, off-again relationship to help them figure out if it’s time to move on or try harder…
Also read: Falling In And Out Of Love Too Fast!
- Breaking free from any relationship is no easy task. More often than not, a heart is left broken. But when it is important, you must let go.
- Think about why you wanted to end the relationship. Usually people in on-off relationships break up due to conflict, personal characteristics, stagnation (wanting to date somebody else but not sure if that would work either), or general relationship dissatisfaction.
Also read: How to survive long distance relationships
- You must realize that you are trapped in a toxic relationship. The first step in deciding what to do when you’re in an on-off relationship is admittance. Once you’re done with that, there’s nothing much left to do.
- If you keep breaking up and patching up, try to find a pattern in it. Look for situations which force you to break up and those that make you go back to your partner. This will help you decide which course you need to take henceforth.
- Make a pro-cons list. It may be that you know somewhere deep down that you want to end the relationship but you are also scared about whether or not you are making a right decision. In such a case, making a pro-cons list will help you weigh your options.
- Considering that the pro-cons list helped you take your decision (whether it’s staying or leaving) now you need to be firm on your decision. If you give in to the smaller things, then chances are you’ll go back to the unhealthy pattern. So if you decided to stay and try to make things work, do not break up (at least not from your end) and if you decided to call it quits, do not be tempted to go back.
- If you have decided to break up, then completely cut off all contact from him/her to avoid complications.
- It is okay to be friends with an ex, but definitely not immediately after a relationship! The sensible thing to do would be to wait for a few months and only once you know you are completely over them should you try to be ‘healthy friends’.
- Since you were in a toxic on-off relationship for quite a while now, chances are you’ve got used to the pattern on a subconscious level. So you may be tempted to revert to the pattern with your ex or a new flame. Hence, it’s better to keep yourself busy. As they say, ‘old habits die hard’.
- Lastly, be around only those people who genuinely love you (family first!). Remind yourself that you deserve better; and if need be, take help from a parent or a friend to counsel you regularly so that you don’t remain upset or depressed.
Remember, an on-again off-again relationship is unhealthy and toxic, and you must be prepared to pick a road and walk ahead from the fork… So long!