What if your partner and friends don’t get along?


At times, two people get along really well because of one person they have in common. At other times, they could clash for the same reason. Often, such a situation arises when you’re at the dawn of a thrilling new relationship. You already feel like he/she could be ‘The One’. Naturally excited to introduce them to your friends circle, you get them together for a nice little chat. And that’s when you smell the fish! As the evening is winging on, your mates are looking less cheerful and your significant other is mostly on his/her phone. When in a relationship, you may face a few issues trying to mix the two worlds together. Dealing with a brewing conflict between the most important people in your life is not easy at all. But if you care about both sides equally, then you got to find out ways to take care of it and help them bridge the gap. Here are few tips to help you maintain the balance between your date and your pals.

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What’s the issue?

To nip a problem in its bud, it is essential to take a closer look at what could be causing the friction. Clearly having to spend time with someone you didn’t choose to hang out with, can be difficult; and let’s face it, you may end up getting bored. It is important for you to realise that even though your pals and your date may have one thing in common, they are probably two totally different people with different tastes, interests or even worse, they have opposite senses of humour! Such personality clashes make it really difficult for anybody to push it trying to get along. Another reason could be jealousy… Yes you heard me. If you got into a relationship recently and are giving most of your time and attention to your partner, there are chances that your friends will feel left out. And trying to carve out time to hang out with your friends may make your partner feel like your pals are “stealing you away” from them. Often you may hear things like “Dude, seriously? I don’t get what you like about him/her”. And your sweetheart may say, “You friends make me conscious and uneasy. It’s like they expect too much!”

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Jealousy is one of the reasons for a tiff between your partner and friends

Jealousy is one of the reasons for a tiff between your partner and friends

If you do not take quick action to save both the parties as they are equally important to you; one of them may possibly jump ship. Once you are done figuring out the issue, put your best face forward and deal with the parties with care.

Also read: Dating rules for surviving a new relationship

How to handle the pals?

Communicate: You’re in love and your pals refuse to see what you see. In this case the best thing to do would be to communicate well with them. Approach them calmly and listen to what they have to say. If they complain that you have been spending less time together since ‘baby’ came in the scene, try cheering them up a bit instead of defending your partner. Laugh at old jokes, have a heart to heart conversation; they’re your friends after all, they always understood the most absurd things that you came up with.

Have a heart to heart conversation with your pals and find out what bothers them

Have a heart to heart conversation with your pals and find out what bothers them

Scrutinize: If it’s a ‘negative feeling’ that your pals seem to get around your partner, then it’s time to hear them out seriously. Probably you have a blind spot of love in your eyes and can’t notice what your friends can. Take a moment to step back and examine your relationship. Do you feel when hanging out with your partner, you are doing anything inappropriate? I’m talking, drinking like a pig, taking huge risks just for the “adrenaline rush”, or probably messing around with poor souls. Take a close look at your partner as well; do they have a healthy friend circle? Are they evasive at times? Do you feel they hide things from you? Go looking for answers, but in a ‘non-obvious’ way. If your friends are proved right then you know what to do. But if your friends are wrong, which too may happen, it only shows that they were worried about you, so don’t lash out at them. Instead, convince them with love.

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How to handle the sweetheart?

Do not neglect either party

Do not neglect either party

Partners can also become insecure. They may feel anxious that your childhood cronies know you better or probably have more influence on you than they do. So if you feel that your significant other gets standoffish every time you try to get them hanging out with your pals, talk it out! You must realise that although your friends have been around since ‘forever’, your partner, though new in your life, does have a place of their own in your heart. It could be that they believe your best friends represent your past — the days you spent partying with other guys/girls — knowing this could make them feel really insecure around the same friends. Pacify them and have a frank conversation with them.

Also read: 3 ways to sort out issues with your best friend

You must realise that it may take a while for the love fest to blossom, so don’t ever take sides. It’s all about maintaining the right balance and striking the right chords. Summing it all up, whatever the cause may be, when the dynamics of a close friendship or relationship change, it can be hard on everyone involved. Remember, if friendship is strong and you’re willing to communicate and address the issue, you will always find a way out.

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