I have a terrible life at the minute. No, it’s not my job, or my family; yes, it’s about love but not my love (I don’t have one at the minute, sob, sob!). Anyway, I am talking about my friends who have been dating each other for over 5 years now. Sadly, things have gone a bit rough between them and obviously I am caught in the middle. One of the weirdest dilemmas of being friends with a couple who has being dating for many years is finding out that one partner is cheating on the other; and not knowing if you should or shouldn’t snitch on one of your friend by telling the other.
But then I did some serious thinking and decided to do what I thought was right and required. This success of mine calls for an article, so in today’s edition I’m going to offer some tips on what to do when you find out that your friend is cheating on his/her spouse or partner.
Also read: Is he cheating on you?
For starters, let’s cook up two fictional people and call them Rahul and Mia. Let’s say Mia (your close friend), who loves her long-time boyfriend Rahul, was spotted at a bar with a stranger; let’s call him Rohan. And she was clearly too close to him to seem normal. You happen to spot her leave the bar with Rohan and you are too flummoxed to think what needs to be done.
When you catch a friend violating the trust of the relationship he or she is in, is it your responsibility to tell? It is surely tempting to go and talk to someone when you know of an act such as this. There is also a pressure on you but you know you must mind your business. But Rahul is really in love with Mia and worships her; and you respect him for that. So what must you do? First things first, you must try to find out what exactly is going on. You may have misunderstood something after all.
Also read: 4 giveaway mannerisms of a cheating wife
It’s important to define the concept and severity of cheating when faced with such a situation. Romantic or sexual fidelity mean reserving one’s affection of any type, (passionate kisses, flirty emails or texts etc.) exclusively for the person you are in a relationship with. Violation of any of this could be considered cheating. So if Mia has violated the code, then it’s time to step up and do the right thing.But the right thing to do may not be snitching on your friend by telling their partner; maybe in some cases, but not necessarily in every case. Consider your cheating friend’s disposition during the act of cheating – Were they drunk? Were they angry and/or not in their senses?
I know your instincts must be screaming out “Protect Rahul!”, but the best way of protecting him in this situation would be to actually talk to Mia first. Tell her that you saw her cheat on Rahul and you felt sick about it. And that if she did it again you would have to tell Rahul about it because he doesn’t deserve this from someone he worships and loves truly.This may shake them up a bit.
But if worse were to happen (that Mia would relentlessly continue to cheat on Rahul) then it’s time to take the drastic step. Even if that means losing out on one of your good friends but as a human you must choose between right and wrong. So when it’s time to tell Rahul about Mia, be prepared for any type of outburst – positive or negative. Tell him in a very mature and calm tone and keep a few numbers of relationship counselors handy just in case. Rahul may be affected by the news, so take another common friend along to help cheer him up. Also, let him know that whatever decision he takes w.r.t. his relationship with Mia, you’ll be by his side.
Last but not the least… be prepared to lose one or both people’s friendship in the bargain. If you do not want this, then think everything through beforehand. Your morals also play a huge part in your ultimate decision.