7 secrets that lead to long-lasting marriage
Nowadays, the term long-lasting marriage has become an oxymoron. Separation has become the easiest solution to tackle any rocky relationship and we can see this with divorce rates rising! No wonder, very few couples are giving their marriage a second chance and keep thinking over it if it deserves so.
Like every other relationship in the book, even a marriage needs help, every now and then, especially when things refuse to work out. It is a true fact that it might get challenging and require more effort on your part but the rewards are worth the extra work and whatever toil needed. So do not ignore and brush your marital woes under the carpet, try and make your marriage a happy and long-lasting affair because it is supposed be once in a lifetime.
Respect the Big C — Communication
If your marriage comprises lack of communication the before you even realise you relationship will start to deteriorate and slowly end up in destruction of both of you. The honesty that everyone talks about in marriage is only possible if the communication lines are open. Even if you are occupied with your work, children, gym, household chores or social activities, just take aside 15 minutes in the day, because it is for the one you have married and taken woes to keep him/her happy. Convert this free time into a quality time spent with each other. Sit and ponder over things, which doesn't always need to be only about work but can be anything at random and the best one could be recalling of the times you have shared with each other.
Maintain the dignity and respect
"Love is overrated — it's respecting your spouse and giving him dignity that will strengthen your bond and help your relationship in the long run," says Seema Hingorrany, clinical psychologist. Just by marrying him and considering him as a very integral part of your life doesn't really men that you own him as some possession of yours. Alone or in front of family members, you should not order or boss him around being dominating. Do not hurt his self esteem. Try and respect his sentiments and whatever decisions he goes with. If you do not agree then discuss it calmly at the right moment instead of creating a ruckus about it.
It's okay to compromise a few times
Maybe it's the way we've been looking at this particular act, but a lot of people feel that compromise is a sign of weakness and so, are often unwilling to compromise on any grounds which lead to major tussles. But we should consider the fact that every couple has to perform vast number of decisions during the course of their lives, you'll often land into situations, where you will have to find middle ground. That doesn't mean you always have to give up on what you believe or think is right. Make it more about reaching a consensus or solution that both of you agree with and do not fight over again.
Transparency about finances
Every individual is entitled to financial stability, so it's completely fine if you have a separate bank account, where you save up money. But it's equally important that your spouse is aware of your finances too. Whether it's investing in a new policy or loaning money to a friend or family member, it's best to keep your husband in the loop. You don't want this indiscretion to upset him, make him lose his trust on you or unnecessarily create a rift in the relationship.
Bonding with your in-laws is important
Well, this one is easier said than done, particularly if you aren't too fond of your spouse's extended family or vice versa! It matters a lot if you at least make an attempt to be cordial to them, or engage in polite conversation, whenever you meet. Try and organize get-togethers or dinners once in a while and talk more often to them. After all, your in-laws could be a great source of support for both of you, if there's a strain in your relationship with your better half.
Don't let the romance die
As clichéd as it sounds, no matter how many years you've been married, keeping the fire embers burning bright is important in your relationship and love should be your priority in a relationship if you really want it to work. Says Dr. Sanjoy Mukerji, marriage counsellor, "Give appreciation, attention and quality time to your partner, whenever genuinely possible. Make him feel special." You do not need to drag your children everywhere. Send them to their grandparents or the neighbours, dress up and go out together on a romantic dinner date. Marriage doesn't mean that the dates are over. Sometimes, something as simple as holding hands while watching a movie can help rekindle that lost spark!
Understand the concept of ‘giving each other space' and ‘own time'
Just because you've found someone with whom you can spend the rest of your life, you do not have to give up your own identity and your own thoughts and feelings about any topic, which happens especially with women post marriage. You need to give your relationship some breathing space. Make sure you pursue a hobby or play a sport that your spouse doesn't and also ensure that you play or do that whenever possible. Continuously being or doing things together can lead to a sort of dependency on each other, which feels nice sometimes but in the long run is bugging, and consequently could lead to irritation and frustration and invite in huge fights.